If you’ve been following my blog or my social media (and you should, Instagram @themattersoftheheartcoach) you would know that I went through a lot in 2019. I had the greatest joy in carrying my son William Matthew after 10 years of infertility. I was blessed to deliver him and he was the most beautiful baby boy I’ve ever seen: his hair, his eyes, his hands, feet and toes. To me and his dad he was perfect, all we had prayed and hoped for. We had the most amazing week and then he got sick and passed away from Necrotizing Entercolitis (NEC) after 12 days of life.
What do you do when your prayer seems to be answered and then before you get to take it all in, it’s gone? What do you do when you feel like God himself has let you down by what He has allowed? Well, what did I do? Honestly, I held on to my faith in God like never before. Instead of acting like I was ok, I allowed myself to feel the pain and grieve. Though I didn’t understand, I knew I wouldn’t make it through without him. I never doubted God’s love for me because in my times of grief, I wore his love like a blanket.
As I wept this year, I knew my Father wept with me and that though I didn’t understand why he allowed this to be, it had to be for a reason. He had to be a purpose! So I’m not angry at 2019. I learned so much about myself, how strong my marriage is, how caring people can be, and how to be grateful even in the most trying times.
I’m ready to fully embrace 2020 knowing that the same God that saw me through the most painful parts of 2019 will be with me always! Therefore I have strength, faith, hope, love, joy, and Grace for the journey!
Praying your relationship with God grows even more. Praying that you understand that nothing can separate you from his love!
Thanks for being a part of my journey and allowing me to be a part of yours! Happy New Year!
I am truly grateful in this season. Yes we’ve suffered great loss BUT I can choose to count my blessings and allow joy to fill my heart or I can choose not to! I choose joy!
My marriage is better than ever (and it was already great). God has confirmed that he put us together. We have loved each other in this season so unconditionally and it’s a beautiful thing. When we could have turned on each other in pain, we turned to God and held each other tighter! Instead of depending on the other to help heal the hurt we understood that was God’s job and we just needed to be present for one another in our process.
I have two beautiful daughters who are blessed. They both miss their brother but are moving forward, setting and achieving goals.
I had the most handsome baby boy who was born with so much personality! My husband and I learned a new meaning of partnership as we cared for our baby boy while I healed from delivery. We got to cuddle him, feed him, and change him. We got to pray with him, sing to him, and shower him with love and attention. We got to let William know how much he was loved and for that I’m so grateful!
I have to keep it real, there are still days with tears and moments of wishing things were another way. But there is also gratefulness of what was, what is, and hope for what will be! #infantloss #griefjourney #griefandloss #mattersoftheheart
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
I’ve posted about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness before: I am “1 in 4 women” and recently just suffered a devastating Infant Loss due to Necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). We had a beautiful little boy at 34 weeks, 3 lbs 7 oz and 15 inches long on Tuesday 7/16/19. He was a healthy baby, we were told he just needed to gain weight, take all his feeds by bottle and we would be able to take him home. We never heard of NEC or the risks of it until it was suspected that he had it on Thursday evening, 7/25. On Friday he was sent by helicopter to the children’s hospital for surgery, and he passed away on Sunday 7/28.
My husband and I endured the loss of many pregnancies to early miscarriage but we were knocked off our feet over the loss of our precious boy. He will never be forgotten. His life though short, meant a lot to many. We will cherish his memory always. Out of all his siblings in heaven, he was the only one we got to love on, take care of, kiss, and snuggle. I believe he tells our other angel babies about us and how great parents we are, though that makes me cry, it also makes me smile when I think about it.
This loss has challenged me to use all the tools I’ve learned and have taught others to overcome the Matters of the Heart. Grief doesn’t end, but I am able to move forward and fulfill my purpose.
We miss you sweet baby!
My word for the week is “Overcompensate!” If someone has a bad knee, and doesn’t get it checked out soon enough it will cause issues with the good knee because you overcompensate using it to avoid the pain. Just like in the physical it’s the same spiritually, emotionally, and in relationships. Stop working around and masking the pain: Seek healing! #mattersoftheheart #brokenandnotashamed #seekhealing #dontovercompensate
In 2018 I started a coaching program for child sexual abuse survivors. In 2019, I will be using email to communicate teaching, inspiration, products, events and more. If you would like to sign up, you can do so here.
Maybe we just need to change our perspective! If a seed feels buried it will hate the entire process of being underground but if it knows it’s just being planted the seed will have hope that as it grows and develops it can soon expect to experience breakthrough! #wednesdaywisdom #mattersoftheheart #brokenandnotashamed #healingisaprocess #seedplanted
When you are vulnerable often social media is the last place you need to be. You will quickly find yourself frustrated from comparing your life to people’s highlight reels. If you need help dealing with the matter of your heart and are interested in learning more about coaching check #linkinbio or contact me at email@example.com #mattersoftheheart #hireacoach #brokenandnotashamed #startthenewyearwhole #healingisaprocess #childsexualabuse #divorce #lossoflovedone #lossofchild #traumaticevent
Its not about who wants you there, who recognizes you, or appreciates your presence. When God puts you somewhere make sure you remain a willing vessel and be prepared to shine His Glory no matter what!
Your steps are ordered! You are where you are supposed to be. Shine where you are, not to be flashy or for personal gratification but so that God gets all the glory. A light hidden can not be seen. Stop waiting for someone to throw you a welcome party and just be who God created you to be. Show up fully and completely in the uniqueness and exquisiteness that is you! #godcreatedmyseat #shinebrightliketheson #forhisglory #mattersoftheheart