So for years I had a junk room in my home. I purchased this home as a single woman and was very proud of that. I had a beautiful daughter, was moving up the corporate ladder, and from the outside looking in, I’d say a picture of success.
However there was a part of my life I didn’t want to deal with. For me it was my relationship issues and how they were effecting my life. Not just with men but my little girl issues too.
The junk room was the place I stored everything I didn’t want to go through, I didn’t need or didn’t use. As I begin to work through my relationship issues. I started to be bothered by the mess of that room and it’s wasted space.
I believe that the natural can be a representation of what’s going on internally. Do a check in of your physical surroundings and appearance. Is there an area that is completely in disarray?
If this is the case and it’s not due to lack of time but to avoidance, chances are you also have some hidden areas in your heart that need to be cleaned up and dealt with.
Cleaning up is not the most glorious task but somebody has to do it. When it comes to matters of the heart, YOU have to do the work!
Do you see this pic??? Ladies, this is how many of us get broken! Who taught women that we had to sacrifice everything for our men. Why is she literally missing a leg and her eyes and he is all good! I hope this visual gives you a rude awakening if you needed it!
This was me, I’ve sacrificed my all for knuckle heads who weren’t worth the sacrifice of my pinky toe nail. But yet still I would have given my eyes and leg to “keep them happy” and make the relationship work. And I wasn’t even married to them.
When I entered into my relationship with my loving husband I thought I had to operate the same way. I started like the “chosen wife” on the movie Coming to America, “Whatever food you like!” This drove him crazy but I literally gave myself away so much that I had to relearn what I liked and wanted. And had to make taking care of me a priority and my marriage has been even greater because of it!
If you are not married you should NOT be making sacrifices for a man period! The man has to leave the comfort of home and start preparing a home for his wife.
Mark 10:7 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother to establish a home with his wife,
Ladies please take a look at this pic. If this is you:
- Forgive yourself for giving away too much of yourself
- Forgive the man for allowing you to do this
- Take some time to love on yourself, to understand your self-worth and to set up some healthy boundaries to be ready for the next relationship
- Promise yourself that your life will never look like that pic again
In a “marital”relationship that is healthy both should be sacrificing for one another for the best interest of the marriage. Submission and leadership requires some sacrifice. But, there shouldn’t be one that’s handicapped because of it.
According to scripture if anyone has to be missing eyes and a leg. It should be the man:
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Have you ever suffered a bad break-up or divorce and was left feeling devastated? Have you ever been so tied to someone and your plans for the future that you just can’t imagine life without them?
That was me! I became so obsessed with having a relationship and refused to admit that I failed so I did everything I could to keep it together. Even after the divorce I was consumed with making it work to the point of completely losing my self worth and common sense!!!
I had to be publicly humiliated before I hit rock bottom. I realized from age 18 through my 20s I was trying to deal with my little girl issues meanwhile trying to make someone want to be with me that just didn’t!
I remember coming to my senses and thinking enough is enough and realizing I had no idea who I really was. I had to take some time to work on me. To heal the little girl within and to get to know the woman I had become.
I know for someone reading this right now it feels like the end of the world. It’s not, don’t waste time thinking of what could have, should have or would have. Work your way through it…it’s really a beautiful new beginning!
I’m a witness. Smooches
You need to have a talk with yourself every now and then. No, really you should check in daily! I know, I grew up hearing people say you were crazy if you talked to yourself. But I’ve been talking to myself since I was a little girl. My conversations with myself have just gotten longer and deeper. I have been able to recognize my weaknesses, celebrate my strengths, encourage myself in life’s test and trials, and have learned to truly love ME!
Sometimes you need to just ask yourself: What do I really want? Why am I acting out? What’s really going on with me?
And after you ask. Be quiet and let your soul answer you!
Psalm 42:5 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.
Have you had a talk with yourself lately? Might be time for you to check-in and see how you are “really” doing!
Happy Monday!!! Have you planned out your week? There are many blog posts about planning out time, tasks, appointments, workouts, and meals for the week. My Neice, Monica Bundy, who happens to be owner of Get Fit Stay Fit Too always plans out her calendar for the week. I admit I didn’t think it was necessary.
But I must say since I’ve implemented planning into my weekly routine I’ve seen the following benefits:
- I’m saving money on eating out during the week because I plan my meals. I notice we are not getting bored by eating the same “go to” meals.
- I am remembering appointments and noticing when appointments are conflicting and something needs to be rescheduled. I admit in the past if it wasn’t for the text/email reminders I would have missed some.
- I’m able to respect my time by saying NO when necessary. I can look at my calendar and see in advance that I won’t be able to make a commitment.
- I’m getting my real “To Do” list done! Instead of a laundry list that seems to large to tackle, it is spread across my week. If it slips a day, I move it to a slot when I have extra time.
If you wear many hats: wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, caregiver, minister, coach, leader, employee, businesswomen. You need to plan. But don’t take planning too serious, and remain flexible. Plans will change!
In your planning don’t forget to set aside quiet time with the Lord to check in to ensure that your priorities are His will for you in this season. Always include a special appointment for yourself each week. Pencil in that mani/pedi, hair appointment, shopping trip, lifetime movie, walk in the park or even just a bubble bath!!!
“Put on your oxygen mask first…” I understand that I am graced by God to care for the husband, children, family, business and ministry that He has given me. However, there are times when I get completely overwhelmed, shut down and am no good to anyone! How can I (and you if you have the same issue) keep this from happening:
- Include myself and my needs to my daily “to do list” and prioritize accordingly
- Say “no”when I know I can’t meet a commitment. If something changes and I can support, show up, and participate then what a great surprise! Not being able to fulfill a commitment feels terrible.
- Don’t try to be superwoman. A good leader knows how to delegate and empower her team. I won’t assume that people know how to help me. I will tell them what I need them to do and Be specific!!!
These are some things I’m implementing TODAY! God is blessing me and opening doors, I must be prepared for even more responsibility.
Comparison is not just the thief of contentment but it’s one of the easiest ways to self-sabatoge and prevent you from experiencing joy in the life you are currently living.
Social Media has unfortunately made it even easier for us to compare our lives to others. When we compare our looks, relationships, financial status, material things etc with others we really aren’t comparing apples to apples. It’s more like comparing apples to eggplants (not sure why I chose eggplants lol).
If you can admit that you have fallen into the trap of comparison try the following ways to find contentment:
- Take a daily inventory of the things you are thankful for and cherish them. Thank your heavenly Father for blessing you in that area. Someone is praying for what you already have!
- Take an inventory of things you don’t like about yourself (you CAN’T change anyone else). Do something RIGHT NOW to change it. Maybe that sounds too simple but start small and take steps to change each day. Eat a healthy meal, go to the gym or for a walk, change your hair, forgive yourself for that mistake you made, go to a conference, schedule a class, read a book, apply for a better job, break-up with that deadbeat (sorry I had a flashback to my former life lol)! You get the picture, do what you can today!
- Immediately, stop comparing yourself to others and wishing you had “their” life. You have no idea what it costs them to get and keep it! Maybe you need a social media break while you work on yourself.
I pray this blesses someone today! One of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself is to stop comparing!!!!